Friday, March 13, 2015

The Grammar Nazi's Ideal Band List

Hi There :)
This one's going to be my last post ever in a while. Hope you like it -

If you met me roaming the streets of twitter or youtube or even tumblr, you'd probably call me a nosy grammar nazi - I just like the woozy rules of the English language, that's all (English is, after all the clipped illegitimate child of German and Latin with an untraceable lineage of French).

Anyway, here's something really cool I found on Tumblr a few days ago about quirky grammar band names (yes! I managed to get to the topic of this post without straying too much - take that tangents)I love quirky band names, and I adore grammar - so quirky grammar band names are, indeed, perfection.

So here they are...

I can't guarantee that this won't revoke some unpleasant memories of english teachers from middle school. Reader discretion advised.

Active Voice: When the verb of a sentence is in the active voice, the subject is doing the acting
Active Voice, the band, would probably the upbeat pop group with direct, easy-to-understand songs - hailed in high esteem (obsessed over) by one half of the world, and hated by the other.

Passive Voice: The passive voice is a grammatical construction in which the noun or noun phrase is the object of an active sentence
Passive Voice should be the superfluous alternative indie rock band, quoting Schopenhauer at every turn, and originally stylish clothing hanging off their calmly meloncholy dispositions.

Anti-Language: The use of  universally known vocabulary with a different connotation.
Anti-Language should be punk outfit - rebelling to the end.

Fog Index: A measure of the readability of  a piece of writing.
Fog Index would be fun, and full of quips - indiepop maybe? It'd absolutely hate the likes of Passive Voice.

Disjunct: A sentence's modifier - like an adverb.
Disjunct is clunky - it sometimes doesn't fit in, but it's always going on tour with its more popular acts like Active Voice, and Fog Index.

Schwa: The mid-central vowel sound - like the 'a' in about.
Schwa is little known in mainstream American culture. Scratch that - it isn't known in American culture, but I do hear that the Scottish are really digging its work.

Slip of the Ear: Exactly what it sounds like, a slip of your ear - when you don't hear something right.
Slip of the Ear is the satirical, English-majors-who-formed-a-band-for-fun group that calls fun at everything from the governments latest blunder to the nonsense that is mainstream culture.

Crash Blossoms: An ambiguously worded headline.
Crash Blossom is an all-girl grunge group that is wont to retort that their name is ironic even if you didn't ask.

Zero Article: When there are literally no articles before a noun.
Zero Article is a non-English speaking group that happened to produce a song in English, and didn't really understand the purpose of articles. Nevertheless, they are big iin their native lands where their own nice language (which doesn't have twisty, exception-filled rules) reigns supreme.

Zero Conditional: When there is no condition preciding or succeding a conditional statement.
Zero Conditional is the Bon Iver-esque dreamy group - the members' touch to reality is minimal, and is usually avoided during their bigger shows.

So that concludes my sinfully exciting stereotyping grammar lesson.

No, I have nothing else to say.


Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Book Confessions - Famous Books that I haven't read

I went back and re-read my blog yesterday (yes, I'm quite a narcissist when it comes to writing - I'm quite unashamed of it), but I tried to forget that it was me writing. I wanted to see what sort of a person my writing made me come across as.
          I do that a lot - seeing myself through different eyes.

I think one of the things my writing seems to do is name myself the Master of All Classics; I have to confess that there are a number of essential classics that I haven't read. Don't get me wrong, I love classics, but I'm not as invested in them as I may sound.

I've read Harry Potter, and in my younger and more shameful years (i.e. 2013), I even read the Hunger Games Trilogy. I also got swept up into the John Green craze of last year, and I don't really regret any of these things (well, maybe I do regret Hunger Games. Just a bit though). I'll always be a Potterhead, and no classical setting, not even New York in the early 1900s, will replace my love for Hogwarts.

I want to be the Master of All Classics (that sounds like a geeky video game thing, and guess what? I found out that it is - check out what Master all Classics really is here), but here are a few books that I haven't read that are stopping me.

1. King Lear - William Shakesphere
Of course, the first book on my list isn't even a book.
I've actually watched the King Lear in a theatrical production, but I've never been able to bring myself to read the book - it has something to do with its reputation for being tedious (but don't all classics have that reputation?), and a little to do with plain laziness on my part.

2. Les Miserable - Victor Hugo
I stopped reading this one after I got a hundred pages in, and I don't even know why. As far as I remember, it was interesting, and I loved the post-Revolution and re-Revolution France setting.

One terrible thing about not having read this book is that I won't let myself watch the movie (it's a rule of mine - don't watch famous movie adaptations of books you haven't read).

3. Ulysses - James Joyce
This one is obvious. Of course I haven't read Ulysses yet, but that's only because my young and easily distracted brain is not yet worthy of the accomplishment. This book is, quite simply, too good for me.

4. The Iliad - Homer
Actually, I only managed to stagger, half-dead, through Homer's Odyssey in the 9th grade. I'm not yet ready for another Homer book - maybe in another 3-400 years?

5. The Old Man and The Sea - Ernest Hemmingway
This one shouldn't really be on this list, but it should (not that that makes any sense at all). I've read it at least three times, but I've never understood its significance. Is there a grand metaphor that I should be understanding - read this book is a bit like understanding Moby Dick- staring at an all-powerful metaphor that I simply can't grasp.

I'm sure I could think up at least ten more books that I can't seem to complete despite their god-like classics status. But five is a good number for now.

Are there any books that you haven't finished? Comment below :)